This is nothing new — I’ve probably heard that tip a thousand times before — but it’s another tidbit that’s helping me get through each day right about now.

I have this thing where if there’s junk in the house, I’m going to eat it. And, most of the time, I’m going to try to get through it relatively quickly, because then it’s gone and I don’t have to be tempted any more.

When the food is pre-portioned, it’s easy to follow “the rules” — one cake pop after lunch, one after dinner; done. Of course I’ll be a little tempted to just eat one whenever the craving hits, but I won’t act on it. That would be completely out of control, and this is all about taking control. I’m going to eat all the chocolate egg I want right now, because I’m going to end up eating it all anyways, so why not just eat whatever I want whenever I want, huh? It’s all going to the same place, right? Sigh, that’s such juvenile thinking.

So yesterday, in a dastardly take-control moment, I threw out the rest of said chocolate egg (milk chocolate — not acceptable in mass quantities) and an open bag of cheddar Goldfish, which I had originally bought for the baby, he liked for one day only and the rest of which I had proceeded to throw back by the handful. Not a pretty sight. I looked like his one-year-old birthday photo, hand completely covering face so as to shove in as much delicious goodness as possible only, in part, I threw out the food because it was starting to make me feel sick. I literally maybe had three handfuls of Goldfish and an ounce of milk chocolate. Was it really making me feel bad? Or was it my guilt rising up inside of me, operating as a quick reminder of my delinquencies? I’ll never know.

I remember having a rather heated discussion with a follower a while back about how “destroying” food at a restaurant after you’ve eaten your portion — or throwing chocolate chip cookies in the garbage and topping them with dirt and Tabasco — is considered disordered eating. You need to learn how to resist the temptation, not cover your food with gregarious amounts of table salt or catsup so as not to eat any more. So am I just one step away from disorder? At least I can just throw my food in the garbage, I don’t have to burn it or spit on it? Because, truly, once it’s in there I never look back.

Importance of Control

From the sound of me you’d think I was either 300 or 90 pounds, right? Trying to control so much I wound up either oversized and unhealthy or completely unable to bench press the weight of my kitty? Well, it’s not so. I know I’ve said it before, but it’s true — I’m healthy, I’m probably pretty average in size, considering my above-average height, and for all of my emotional ups and downs, the scale never really tends to move these days more than a pound or two.

And with that, I was about to nonchalantly say, “I’m hoping to change that when my jogging stroller arrives next week.” Which would be typical Me. Resting all my laurels on tomorrow, or Monday, or the next workout, the next meal when it’s really every decision that counts. Disordered or not, I think I took the right step in throwing out that junk yesterday, because the clear truth is that in the moment I couldn’t resist overdoing it and stuffing my face with it. Not long after that, I made another decision: To go for a beautiful, breezy, calming walk with my son around the perimeter of the park across from my house instead of shutting us up in the basement, as usual, to do Nike Training, while the wonderful world of spring suddenly morphed into early summer outside. And it felt good to get out. It felt awesome.

Later in the day, things were about to get dicey again. That wretched afternoon time slot rolled around when I get bored, antsy and ready (super early) for dinner, and as I cleaned up the remnants of the baby’s lunch (which this time involved graham cracker Goldfish!), I once again found myself downing a handful of those AND a handful of Nilla wafer minis. Because, you see, I do this with his food. I see what the other kids are eating, and I let him try a box…once. He usually doesn’t get attached to any one food, so I use it as an excuse to allow him to try new things and experiment with different flavors. Really, it’s just a Sugar Show. (Which would be a good name for a blog, if I weren’t trying to get sugar OUT of my life.) I know this. Refined carbohydrates, the white devil, empty calories. At least he likes whole-wheat bread.

The point is, however, that after a handful of both, I caught myself. Or, rather, that sick feeling immediately started creeping up again, and I took quick notice. I put the food away (in the cabinet, not in the garbage can). I realized that I wasn’t really even hungry, and I let another hour pass before I had what has become a customary cup of afternoon decaf. I finished up at work, ran a couple errands, took another little walk in the park with the family and before I knew it was past dinnertime. Amazing! Three decisions in one day that, if made over and over and over, might just make me feel good about my fluctuating willpower.

I probably made 6,000 decisions yesterday, ranging from deciding to turn off the alarm and get to work to what items to knock off my to-do list in a flurry of last-minute productivity. Three, well, three may be a sorry little number compared to all of the other opportunities we face each day, week, month and year, to do good. But it’s a start. And just like any of these recent thoughts and ramblings — to do what makes me feel good, or to feel light, or to find some sort of balance instead of flipping from one extreme to the other — I have to believe that the small self-discoveries are worth something. According to Oscar Wilde, “The aim of life is self-development. To realize one’s nature perfectly — that is what each of us is here for.” Again, maybe a little extreme (I’d like to think I’m here to help others, not just myself), but it comforts me to know that getting to know oneself along the way is an age-old goal. Because to figure out how our minds work is to figure out how to fix them, how to improve upon that all-or-nothing thinking, how to break the chain, believe, trust and grow.

I have a lot of inward growing to do; this I know. I just hope that I can find some sort of balance in all the plates I have spinning at once, without looking like too much of a clown. This isn’t fun and games to me, clearly — but it shouldn’t be so serious, so hard, so difficult, either. It’s just breakfast. It’s just lunch. It’s just dinner, or a snack, or an appetizer or drink or whatever. LIVE in the meantime, think about other things, do other things. That’s a decision you’ll never regret.

I know we are all at different levels, but the first step to feeling better and loosing weight is working out at your own pace.

I want to remind everyone to make sure that after a workout, you need to eat some protein! Your body needs it in order to build muscle. So don’t do all that work and then skip the protein. It is best to get your protein in either 30 minutes prior to your workout or 30 minutes after.

How do I slip extra protein into my diet?

My favourite way is by making a smoothie with some whey protein powder. As you would expect, whey protein will be very high in protein but there are actually lot of other benefits of it. It’s plant based, non-GMO, organic, gluten-free, vegan and hypoallergenic so it’s really good for you.

I would recommend getting a few samples from a range of different companies. Protein powder is expensive so being able to try it before you buy it is great. Just request some samples and pick your favourite flavours.

In the last two or three years, the mentality of women has changed from wanting to be skinny to wanting more strength. In some gyms, there might even be a time when there are more women lifting weights than men.

In the past, women used to be scared of lifting weights because it might lead to the development of bulging muscles that would be unattractive to the public. However, nowadays, women are lifting weights and doing all kinds of weight-based exercises in order to develop a new curvy body. I guess choosing strong over skinny gives us the confidence that we are capable of doing a lot more than ever before.

To be honest, even if you lift, it doesn’t mean that you’re going to develop a body that looks unfeminine. At the end of the day, unless you’re planning on lifting heavy weights and develop a huge manly body, you’ll be fine. Lifting weights will just fill your glutes and other desirable areas the women want to enhance these days. That’s why you see so many other women doing exercises like squats in the gym.

Of course, there are many benefits of weight training too. By lifting weights, you can increase bone density, something that will eventually protect you against osteoporosis. It also increases your metabolism and helps you to continue burning fat even after the training session is complete. This is something that can’t be achieved by normal cardio. Weight lifting is also thought to protect against several diseases like Diabetes, Arthritis and Heart disease. On top of this, you’ll notice that it’ll make you sleep better at night and also protect against back pain. Just make sure you have a proper diet and some protein after your workout.

No wonder women have started to lift weights!

I think maybe because she has such a cult following I’ve actually been compelled to rebel and NOT get on the Oprah bandwagon, but my free Oprah’s Lifeclass journal arrived in the mail the other day (long after the series ended, and I don’t even have the OWN channel in the first place) — just another one of those random free things I sign up for when I remember to — and it inspired me to locate the webcasts on her site and start watching them. Well, surprise! I love every minute of it, and I take each class very seriously.

Not exactly where you might expect a post on spirituality to start, but it reinforces the point I’m intending to make: that, at least to me, spirituality and religion are two different things, and it’s up to you to mix and match what you believe in, how you want to spend your time, what you need in your life at any given moment and how both (or one or the other) can nurture you and help you grow during the hard times and the easy ones.

It’s difficult sometimes among the many roles we all play, whether you’re a father, mother, employee or employer, to always feel authentic, always feel like you’re living your truth, your best life and sticking by what you believe in. Heck, sometimes it’s hard to even KNOW what you believe in. Which is why I have these tips to wake you from your spiritual (or religious) slumber, at a time when I’m sure we can all use them:

– Think outside of the box: For years and years I had guilt about not attending church as often as I felt I “should” — until a very wise woman told me, Don’t go to church because you think you should, or because so-and-so goes, or because you were brought up a certain way; go to church when you WANT to. When you want to connect, talk with God, have a conversation with Him. And you know what? No one had ever said that to me before. Suddenly church is not a chore, and I go when I want to go. The rest of the time I may spend in prayer alone, and I feel okay with that — but that’s my truth, so it may not fit you. The idea here is to realize that not doing “the norm,” or going against the grain, just might fit you. Once you find comfort, you’ll know it’s right.

– Do some research: The Internet is a great place for learning about all kinds of things, but in this instance I would recommend picking up an actual book. Read about Buddhism, spirituality, Catholicism, whatever it is that has always interested you or frightens you or seems way too “out there” for you, and explore it. You’ve got nothing to lose, and opening your mind to new expressions of religion and spirituality can strengthen the beliefs you already have or bring you new ideas and inspiration if you’re starting from scratch. We all need to feel that sort of connectedness to some greater purpose or being, no matter how much you may wish that weren’t true.

– Feel the fear: Even just talking about this on the blog feels strange to me, but one of the things I learned from Martha Beck on her webcast this week was that if you feel uneasy about doing or saying something, it may be because you’re actually telling yourself some sort of lie about your beliefs and how they relate to that action — in this case, that it’s “wrong” or “stupid/silly” to write about this topic on a so-called food or diet blog. Wrong? Stupid? I challenged that belief, and I decided to do it anyways, because it wasn’t something I was truly dreading inside; it’s more of an invigorating sort of fear, which I know I should push through because, honestly, the judgment or the reaction doesn’t matter. In the same way, finding your comfort in spirituality or religion should be just that — yours — and although it may be tough at times, you shouldn’t let other peoples’ comments change your mind. What do you feel when you’re engaging in the spiritual or religious activity of your choice? If it’s comfort, but you feel uncomfortable talking about it to a friend or a relative, it may just be that you’re telling yourself that person will reject you because of your beliefs, so you must be wrong. That’s the lie. No one can say what’s right or wrong in this instance about your relationship with God or The One or The Universe or whatever you choose to believe in. Feel the fear, or the discomfort, or the judgment, and challenge it until you discover the comfort and the truth.

– Enlist a friend: If there IS someone who shares your curiosity, invite him or her to an event with you, whether it’s a church service or a yoga class. There are a million options out there, and sometimes going through an experience like that (especially if it’s your first time) can create deeper relationships. Plus, you’ll always have someone to bounce your subsequent thoughts and reactions off of. That way, in discussing it with each other, you can also establish whether the activity is good for the both of you or if you need to part ways and strike out on your own. The moral support and familiarity to start, however, may bolster your confidence to get out there and explore.

– Take it slow: It can be tempting when embarking on any new routine (think exercise) to go all out from the start, and I wouldn’t consider this area to be any different — but asking yourself too many questions and challenging too many beliefs too soon can be more stressful than it is eye-opening. My natural tendency is to plow through everything just to get it done, check it off my to-do list, but that’s the exact opposite approach to take here. It’s a constant journey with peaks and valleys as you find forms of spiritual expression that do and don’t agree with you. If any of you have a vision board going, I would even suggest considering transforming it into a “journey” board instead — this is something I just decided to do myself.

It really is a journey, and that’s not something you can take with you when you go — so do your best to feel your way through it without attaching yourself to any end result or outcome, like proving that you don’t have to go to church every Sunday or confirming your belief that meditation is a crock. Separate yourself from your ego as you explore each next step, and your enjoyment will be much more deep, profound and enlightening. Doesn’t that sound fabulous?